Friday, July 24, 2009

sometimes the best way out . . . is through

Robert Frost spoke of this. Nearly 20 years ago, after months of anticipation, planning and saving, many of my family members had the opportunity of traveling to southern California for a two day overdose of Disneyland.

Anxious to spend every moment enjoying the amusement park, my nieces and nephews were among the first to arrive at the entrance gates. As soon as the gates were open they made a beeline straight for splash mountain, only to find that it was closed for repairs. Undaunted, they decided to just take in the next closest major attraction…that was the haunted mansion.

The younger children eagerly pressed ahead and soon found themselves in a room full of strangers. The door closed and an eerie voice began to speak. At that very instant, Kate, who was then 7 years old and had never been to Disneyland before became frightened and announced quite audibly that she did no want this experience and wanted to leave now. It was in the next few moments that my insightful and loving sister, recognizing a teaching moment, taught one of the greatest lessons in life.

Amidst the crowd, she slowly bent down and gathering her trembling little girl into her arms, explained that it was too late to leave. Then as the wall opened and Kate could see the dimly lit hallway beyond, my sister quoted the wisdom of Robert Frost and said ….

"Sometimes, the only way out is through."

"But dear Kate, I love you and I will hold you close and softly sing songs to you and we will go through this together. Soon it will be over."

Cindy is experiencing her own "haunted mansion". The ride the past few weeks has been a rough one and she would just as soon get off. Yet she knows that the only and best way out is through! She has three down and 5 to go. The chemo is doing what it is supposed to be doing and the side effects are crappy! And while her blood counts are low, she has been holding her own in regards to her white blood count, (remember those are the marines that fight infection) and her platelets. Her hemotocrit, that's what measures the red blood cells, continues to fall, which leads to her enormous fatigue and dizziness. And the side effect of "chemo brain" is driving her nuts. But the tumors appear to be shrinking and that makes it all worthwhile.

Visits should be kept very short, a brief stop to say hello and I love you is about all she can or should handle. And remember if you are sick it is best to stay away. She has been working hard at getting out for walks when she can and amid all the ciaos of construction still manages to keep an immaculate house. The notes and emails and blog comments are wonderful - keep them coming. Cindy has mentioned to me countless times that she is overcome by the support and love she feels from you all! She knows she cannot do this alone. She has hosts of loved ones both here and in the heavens that are encircling her and we are having Cori sing softly, and soon it will be over!

posted by Libby


  1. You sound like you are doing a great job! We know how hard it is to fight what you can only feel but not see and we have no doubt you will be the winner in this. We love Coris' voice and listen to it frequently on the CD you sent us. It is truly soothing. Our prayers are with you and your family. Love you. LeGrand and Susan

  2. Cindy, I would take it from you if I could and go through it for you!!!
    Love you

  3. Cindy: It was so nice to visit with you the other day. I can see that you are still too tired to be able to crochet, but when you get stronger we will give it a go. Thank you for being such a great resource regarding adoption. You have been so helpful. Love- Mary

  4. Well if singing softly would help you through I would be right there right now! Only I have this danged summer cold, so I am sending musical vibes. And prayers that there are at least a few good days between the bad, enough to keep a sliver of light in the tunnel.
    And yay for summer walks! It could be February and an evening walk would be a worry and your pretty head would get so cold! I'm thinking about that when my tendency is to curse the blasted July heat!

  5. I think and pray for you and your family every day. I love the blog, what a wonderful & helpful thing. I am beginning to think that Libby missed her calling in life, she should write a book. Maybe something you could do together! Such great news that the tumors are shrinking, YAY!!!!! We can make through & the sunshine will come out soon. Love & Hugs, Cindy S.

  6. Hey Cindy! I just wanted to let you know that we are thinking of you, praying for you, and love you! We will be coming to town in a week and would like to visit for a minute if its a good time. We'll find out and if not, then we'll try for next time.

    Love you!
    Brandi and Ster

  7. Cindy, seeing you at church on Sunday made me realize what an amazing example you are and have always been to me. I went to the SLC temple on Saturday and was able to be part of an incredibly sweet experience. The session was conducted by a tall Polynesian man in his 40's, probably. As he began the session he had tears in his eyes which ran down his face. I felt the reverence and sacredness that was there. At certain points as the session continued the tears came again. It was such a blessing to be there. Your name was on the prayer roll and my thoughts and prayers were with you then as they are now. Love, Patti