The nausea has been extreme these past few days. It required a trip to the Cancer Center where it was discovered that there has been an excessive weight loss this past week. Cindy was severely dehydrated, fatigued and in need of fluids. She received two units of fluids, powerful anti nausea medicine and steroids. Her hematocrit level continues to fall, which again is to be expected but are now to a new low level. What is of most concern is her ability to fight infection. Cindy's ANC, Absolute Neutrophil Count, remember those are the marines in the army of white blood cells that fight infection, are non existent. 0.0 , nil, Nada, nothing! It is for this reason that I have not seen, nor hugged, nor been within the same room as Cindy since last Saturday, because I have a lousy cold. Thanks to Karen for taking her downtown and meeting Reedo at the Doctor's office. If even a sniffle or headache is felt by any of you, please stay away. Cindy must keep a check on her temperature for the least sign of fever or infection.
The fluids she received today have helped already. She is home, trying to rest and just waiting for the day to pass. New medicine has been ordered and Karen set up a spreadsheet tracking table for her. A quiet night with restful sleep is something Cindy looks forward to. Perhaps we will adopt the attitude of Scarlett O'Hara, for tomorrow is another day!
This too shall pass...hopefully a little sooner than later!
posted by Libby
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Monday, July 27, 2009
A few months without a bad hair day.
A few weeks ago, Ali, Cindy* and I took a semi-spontaneous road trip from Farmington to Ephriam to visit Snow College. Ali met with a guidance counselor about her first semester schedule, Cindy paid a bill and I got to see campus and the cute apartment complex where Ali will be living. Before leaving we stopped to take a few pictures. As Cindy handed the camera off to me to join Ali by the flowers, she ran her fingers through her hair and looked down at all the stands left behind in her hand. We were in good humor about it (check out the picture) but it was still surprising. I thought her hair was safe through a few more rounds of treatment.After Quarter Pounders and a visit to Grandma, we arrived home. As we chatted around the counter, deciding if we were too tired to play Rook, Cindy plucked strands of hair off her clothing. After looking over the pile she had gathered in a baseball cap, she announced, “I think we better shave it tonight” and then after a short pause she added, “But it has to be fun.” Not only was Cindy taking her hair before chemo slowly crept in to claim it, she wanted to have a good time doing it.
Ali skillfully cropped one side, while I worked on the other. We left a 3-inch strip down the center for a mohawk. If someone had asked you in December whether Cindy Gardner would ever have a mohawk, what would you have said?
I’m pretty sure I would have laughed out loud and I certainly wouldn’t have thought she’d look so dang good with a punk ‘do! Reed decided to shave his head to match. Using Deven’s fancy clippers, Cindy replaced the cul-do-sac do with a new Bruce Willis look (which I think is quite flattering).
Cindy kept a few locks for sentiment (and color samples) and Deven buzzed the rest. We laughed because it was fun. We cried because we were saying goodbye to Cindy’s beautiful hair, and also because we were acknowledging that it was the cancer’s fault it was gone. We all know Cindy is beautiful. In a stunning, radiant kind of way. I didn’t realize it had nothing to do with her hair.
Courage. Amen! That’s Cindy! As this battle continues, I’m sure Cindy will show this courage again and when she isn’t up for it, we’ll all try to be courageous for her. Though I doubt it will come quite as naturally to most of us.*I’m calling Mom, “Cindy” to stick with blog format.
**We’re hoping Cindy gets to keep her eyelashes. That seems cosmically fair.
Posted by: Erica Gardner
Friday, July 24, 2009
sometimes the best way out . . . is through
Robert Frost spoke of this. Nearly 20 years ago, after months of anticipation, planning and saving, many of my family members had the opportunity of traveling to southern California for a two day overdose of Disneyland.
Anxious to spend every moment enjoying the amusement park, my nieces and nephews were among the first to arrive at the entrance gates. As soon as the gates were open they made a beeline straight for splash mountain, only to find that it was closed for repairs. Undaunted, they decided to just take in the next closest major attraction…that was the haunted mansion.
The younger children eagerly pressed ahead and soon found themselves in a room full of strangers. The door closed and an eerie voice began to speak. At that very instant, Kate, who was then 7 years old and had never been to Disneyland before became frightened and announced quite audibly that she did no want this experience and wanted to leave now. It was in the next few moments that my insightful and loving sister, recognizing a teaching moment, taught one of the greatest lessons in life.
Amidst the crowd, she slowly bent down and gathering her trembling little girl into her arms, explained that it was too late to leave. Then as the wall opened and Kate could see the dimly lit hallway beyond, my sister quoted the wisdom of Robert Frost and said ….
"Sometimes, the only way out is through."
"But dear Kate, I love you and I will hold you close and softly sing songs to you and we will go through this together. Soon it will be over."
Cindy is experiencing her own "haunted mansion". The ride the past few weeks has been a rough one and she would just as soon get off. Yet she knows that the only and best way out is through! She has three down and 5 to go. The chemo is doing what it is supposed to be doing and the side effects are crappy! And while her blood counts are low, she has been holding her own in regards to her white blood count, (remember those are the marines that fight infection) and her platelets. Her hemotocrit, that's what measures the red blood cells, continues to fall, which leads to her enormous fatigue and dizziness. And the side effect of "chemo brain" is driving her nuts. But the tumors appear to be shrinking and that makes it all worthwhile.
Visits should be kept very short, a brief stop to say hello and I love you is about all she can or should handle. And remember if you are sick it is best to stay away. She has been working hard at getting out for walks when she can and amid all the ciaos of construction still manages to keep an immaculate house. The notes and emails and blog comments are wonderful - keep them coming. Cindy has mentioned to me countless times that she is overcome by the support and love she feels from you all! She knows she cannot do this alone. She has hosts of loved ones both here and in the heavens that are encircling her and we are having Cori sing softly, and soon it will be over!
posted by Libby
Anxious to spend every moment enjoying the amusement park, my nieces and nephews were among the first to arrive at the entrance gates. As soon as the gates were open they made a beeline straight for splash mountain, only to find that it was closed for repairs. Undaunted, they decided to just take in the next closest major attraction…that was the haunted mansion.
The younger children eagerly pressed ahead and soon found themselves in a room full of strangers. The door closed and an eerie voice began to speak. At that very instant, Kate, who was then 7 years old and had never been to Disneyland before became frightened and announced quite audibly that she did no want this experience and wanted to leave now. It was in the next few moments that my insightful and loving sister, recognizing a teaching moment, taught one of the greatest lessons in life.
Amidst the crowd, she slowly bent down and gathering her trembling little girl into her arms, explained that it was too late to leave. Then as the wall opened and Kate could see the dimly lit hallway beyond, my sister quoted the wisdom of Robert Frost and said ….
"Sometimes, the only way out is through."
"But dear Kate, I love you and I will hold you close and softly sing songs to you and we will go through this together. Soon it will be over."
Cindy is experiencing her own "haunted mansion". The ride the past few weeks has been a rough one and she would just as soon get off. Yet she knows that the only and best way out is through! She has three down and 5 to go. The chemo is doing what it is supposed to be doing and the side effects are crappy! And while her blood counts are low, she has been holding her own in regards to her white blood count, (remember those are the marines that fight infection) and her platelets. Her hemotocrit, that's what measures the red blood cells, continues to fall, which leads to her enormous fatigue and dizziness. And the side effect of "chemo brain" is driving her nuts. But the tumors appear to be shrinking and that makes it all worthwhile.
Visits should be kept very short, a brief stop to say hello and I love you is about all she can or should handle. And remember if you are sick it is best to stay away. She has been working hard at getting out for walks when she can and amid all the ciaos of construction still manages to keep an immaculate house. The notes and emails and blog comments are wonderful - keep them coming. Cindy has mentioned to me countless times that she is overcome by the support and love she feels from you all! She knows she cannot do this alone. She has hosts of loved ones both here and in the heavens that are encircling her and we are having Cori sing softly, and soon it will be over!
posted by Libby
Saturday, July 11, 2009
"now what was i doing?"
Chemo brain. One of the lesser-known side effects of chemotherapy, which is getting more recognition, is cognitive dysfunction commonly called "chemo-brain". People who have chemo-brain may find themselves unable to concentrate on their work, or unable to juggle multiple tasks. Some find they don't remember things as well as they used to. After our last visit with the Oncologist, she confirmed that Cindy was indeed experiencing this side effect. The good news is that it is a side effect of the chemo is not long lasting. Once the chemo is complete she will begin to see an improvement in her cognitive thinking. She will be back to multi tasking without a hitch. It may take a year, possibly two, but she will be back to "normal". (hmmm - wonder what my excuse is!) Now we can't tease Cindy with "dumb blond" jokes. dang! Especially cause she's not even blond anymore!!!
Thursday was round two of chemo treatments. As Reedo says, 2 down, 6 to go! While round 1 got the best of Cindy, she seems to be handling round 2 just a little better. Her blood counts were up, as well as her energy and mental state. She was ready to enter the ring this time without hesitation, gloves on and prepared to do battle. What a gal! She received a second shot of Neulasta which is to help keep her white blood cell count from becoming deficient.
It has been two days since the treatment. She is tired, a bit sick and generally feeling crappy, but she does not feel like she was hit by the mack truck she was hit by last time. Two days down. Just a few more days and she should be on the up swing again.
Erica was here and got to go to treatment with her. What a delight. Talk ab0ut a bit of sunshine in a dreaded task. Connie Bailey taught Cindy a new crochet stitch. Cindy and Reed are back into her own beautiful bedroom, and with all things considered life is, as Parker says, "doin good".
Thursday was round two of chemo treatments. As Reedo says, 2 down, 6 to go! While round 1 got the best of Cindy, she seems to be handling round 2 just a little better. Her blood counts were up, as well as her energy and mental state. She was ready to enter the ring this time without hesitation, gloves on and prepared to do battle. What a gal! She received a second shot of Neulasta which is to help keep her white blood cell count from becoming deficient.
It has been two days since the treatment. She is tired, a bit sick and generally feeling crappy, but she does not feel like she was hit by the mack truck she was hit by last time. Two days down. Just a few more days and she should be on the up swing again.
Erica was here and got to go to treatment with her. What a delight. Talk ab0ut a bit of sunshine in a dreaded task. Connie Bailey taught Cindy a new crochet stitch. Cindy and Reed are back into her own beautiful bedroom, and with all things considered life is, as Parker says, "doin good".
Erica and Cindy are showing their sad faces after just pining on our "Cancer Sucks" pin. Now "sucks" is a word I generallly refrain from using. I don't like it. But in this case, it just seems appropriate!
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
'You doin good?"
I've been asked this question a lot lately, but none has melted my heart the way it did last Sunday... As we often do, our family made our way across the street to enjoy the warmth and comfort of Libby and Gram's home and Cori's delicious baked chicken and mashed potatoes. Comfort food doesn't get any better - especially when enjoyed with the comfort of good friends and family. We met John and Ashley Connors in the driveway with their three beautiful children in tow. John had been telling me how little 3 year old Parker has been very faithful in making sure they bless "Cinny Gardner" to get better in every family prayer they utter. My heart was touched and thankful because I know if Parker is praying, Someone is listening. So I went over to Parker and said to him, "Thank you, Parker, for praying for me." He paused from his playing, looked up at me and right into my eyes, and with all the sincerity of his beautiful three year old blue eyes, said, "You doin good?" I melted.
My heart is getting pretty soft these days. Every comment, every prayer, and all your good wishes continue to melt my heart. And, to answer Parker's question... yes, I am doin good!
Not long after my last Dr. appt. which Libby so proficiently informed you about, I began to feel more energized, less tired and dizzy and very hungry (that's always a good sign). Having Jason and Erica here from New York has lifted my spirits and I am geared up for round two of chemo. Knowing I will have some yucky days but then knowing I will have some better days makes me feel I can do it! But most of all, it's the love and prayers and support that strengthens me.
A few days ago our good friends, Gary and Leslie Humphries, called from Texas to see "how I was doin." I told Gary, "If you ever want to feel really loved, just get really sick." He instantaneously understood and I, instantaneously, remembered when my good friend and his first wife, Scarlett, was battling cancer. There are many of you out there who also, instantaneously, understand. No matter what your trials have been, you understand what I am talking about and you also know how soft our hearts can get. Thank you for softening my heart with your love. Perhaps that's why we have challenges and little three year old boys who would even care enough to ask an old person like me, "You doin good?" Parker has surely inherited the same sensitive and soft heart of his father. Lucky boy.
Last night our soft and soggy hearts were all wrung out through our laughter and our tears as we (Erica, Ali, Deven and Reed) shaved my head. After two days of it falling out by the handful, I decided it was time to liberate myself. Reedo wanted part of the action so he is now liberated as well. We are now bald and balder. (Erica will blog more on this later). I'm sure the first question Meg will ask her dad when she comes home from girls camp will be "Where did the cul-de-sac go?" All I can say is, I am so very blessed and lucky to not only have a supportive and loving husband, but one who also has a very soft and sensitive heart. Not only that, but he looks much better bald than I do! It's a good thing I love hats.
My heart is getting pretty soft these days. Every comment, every prayer, and all your good wishes continue to melt my heart. And, to answer Parker's question... yes, I am doin good!
Not long after my last Dr. appt. which Libby so proficiently informed you about, I began to feel more energized, less tired and dizzy and very hungry (that's always a good sign). Having Jason and Erica here from New York has lifted my spirits and I am geared up for round two of chemo. Knowing I will have some yucky days but then knowing I will have some better days makes me feel I can do it! But most of all, it's the love and prayers and support that strengthens me.
A few days ago our good friends, Gary and Leslie Humphries, called from Texas to see "how I was doin." I told Gary, "If you ever want to feel really loved, just get really sick." He instantaneously understood and I, instantaneously, remembered when my good friend and his first wife, Scarlett, was battling cancer. There are many of you out there who also, instantaneously, understand. No matter what your trials have been, you understand what I am talking about and you also know how soft our hearts can get. Thank you for softening my heart with your love. Perhaps that's why we have challenges and little three year old boys who would even care enough to ask an old person like me, "You doin good?" Parker has surely inherited the same sensitive and soft heart of his father. Lucky boy.
Last night our soft and soggy hearts were all wrung out through our laughter and our tears as we (Erica, Ali, Deven and Reed) shaved my head. After two days of it falling out by the handful, I decided it was time to liberate myself. Reedo wanted part of the action so he is now liberated as well. We are now bald and balder. (Erica will blog more on this later). I'm sure the first question Meg will ask her dad when she comes home from girls camp will be "Where did the cul-de-sac go?" All I can say is, I am so very blessed and lucky to not only have a supportive and loving husband, but one who also has a very soft and sensitive heart. Not only that, but he looks much better bald than I do! It's a good thing I love hats.
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