Surgery

We knew by feel and looks that the tumor in the breast had shrunk. We were hoping for the same regarding the tumor in the lymph nodes. The Doctor's noted that upon "physical examination" the results of the chemo therapy were dramatic. Last Friday, Cindy had another MRI prior to surgery. These scans showed these hoped for dramatic results. The tumor in the sentinel node was gone and the tumor in the breast showed only a "hot spot" and the clip that was attached early on just in case the tumor disappeared so that the surgeon would know where the original growth was. During surgery this past Friday the surgeon removed the sentinel node and one or two other nodes. No cancer was found in these nodes! What was a 3+ centimeter tumor, (about the size of a golf ball) in the breast was now less than 1/2 a millimeter. They removed all the tissue left around this "hot spot" which ended up being about 3 centimeters or the size of the original tumor. They will slice this tissue and thoroughly test it in cross sections for any signs of live cancer cells. They do not expect to find much. Radiation will begin in about 3 weeks and it will kill off any remaining bad cells. Cindy is home and doing quite well. I suppose once you have the base line scale of how you feel during chemo therapy treatments, really yucky, everything else seems fairly good. In other words, the pain from the surgery, is low on the scale compared to the pain and side effects of chemo.

Cindy is ready to climb out of the valley and head for the mountain top. We are all grateful for her determination and fortitude. We feel so very lucky and recognize the Lord in all things. I am hesitant to use the word "blessed" because although we feel blessed by the Lord daily it does not mean that we are favored over another. During this final day of October - breast cancer awareness month - we pause to honor all those beloved friends and family members who have fought a similar fight with varying results. Each a winner although some have been granted the chance to linger longer here on earth.

Then Samuel took a stone, and set it between Mizpeh and Shen, and called it the name of Ebenezer, saying Hereto hath the LORD helped us. 1 Samuel 7:12

Here I raise my Ebenezer

Here by Thy great help I've come

And I hope, by Thy good pleasure,

Safely to arrive at home.

Jesus sought me when a stranger

Wandering from the fold of God;

He, to rescue me from danger,

Interposed His precious blood.

(Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing)

The word Ebenezer comes from Hebrew and is actually two words pronounced together: Even Haazer. "Even" meaning "stone" and the root "Ezer" of Haazer, meaning "help" or Stone of Help. Jacob, Joshua, Samuel, and even Christ in Gethsemane, all found rest and help upon stone. With grateful hearts we too recognize that thus far the Lord has been with us. The way has been hard. But much has been learned. With warm hearts we welcome this coming season of thanksgiving and raise our own Ebenezer recognizing His helping hand and will in all things and pray for His continuing help over us all.

Dear Family and Friends

We have good news! The chemo has done it's job! I will be having surgery on Friday, Oct. 30th at LDS hospital. When I met with the surgeon last week he was very positive. My oncologist called it a "dramatic response" to the chemotherapy. I went in for another MRI and ultrasound which showed that the tumor has completely disappeared and the lymph nodes looked clear. There was one little area in the breast that lit up on the MRI which could either be cancer cells or scar tissue. As a result, they will do a partial mastectomy and only have to take out my sentinel node. This truly is amazing and I have felt a need to repent for hating chemo so much when it was doing me so much good! There is a life lesson in here somewhere!

Thank you for your prayers, for putting my name in the temple, and for your love and support. I know this is an answer to all our prayers and I am very grateful for each and every one of you.

The surgery will be same day surgery so I will even be home in time to pass out Halloween candy to all the Trick or Treaters! Happy Halloween everyone. I love you all.
Cindy

So What's My Problem?

I know - it's been a week since my last chemo and it's past time for me to make an entry. To be honest, I've been avoiding it. You would think I would be anxious to shout to the whole world, or at least my friends..."I'm done being poisoned!" Am I glad I don't have to go back for another treatment? Oh, yes, I am so glad. Did I enjoy chemo? Hated it. Have I been looking forward to this time since the first side effects of chemo #1? With great anticipation. Do I want hair and eyelashes again? Yes, but eyelashes more than hair - hair takes so much time! So what's my problem? Why don't I feel this great sense of relief? I've been asking myself that for several days.... could it still be chemo brain? Am I just kind of emotionally desensitized? Am I just an ungrateful schmuck?

It finally hit me why my heart felt reluctant to celebrate while my mind was sure I was happy to be done. It's that mix of emotions - the kind you have when the journey you have been on, however long and challenging, has also brought you so many blessings that you can't even count them - I can truly say for me that this little journey's blessings have greatly outweighed the struggle. Some blessings may come but once, others will always stay by my side. I guess my problem is that I will miss some of those blessings. But they will all stay in my heart and not forgotten.

I made a list in my mind the other day and it became so long my mind could not mentally hold them all. This inability may come as no surprise to some of you, but really, it was an incredible list. Tonight it will go in my journal and probably many entries henceforth as the remembrance of blessings keep flooding my mind. I feel the deepest of gratitude - even for this experience because without it I would have missed so so much. So much experience, so many relationships strengthened, so much love.

I realize I am only through one leg of the journey, but all the courageous survivors I've talked to tell me it is the most difficult part. With surgery and radiation still to go, I look forward to being a "survivor" myself. For now, I'm going to continue to savor the blessings I've received - even though there are really too many to count. If that's my problem, I welcome it.

Having the best family, friends, neighbors, and bloggers in the world is an indisputable fact for me. A heartfelt thank you to all of you who celebrated with me in one way or another as I finished chemo #8. I did not go it alone - all your love and support gave me strength. Your prayers and faith gave me the fight when that weak side of me surfaced. You are, one of those many blessings I'm counting. You have been a part of a wonderful problem.

Yippee!!!

Tomorrow is the last Chemo treatment!!! Update to follow!

and by the way - Happy Birthday Reed.